~Jesus, I'm Living For Your Name~

2012-01-26T00:38:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry my friends. your letters, or rather the letters I've wanted to write for all of you have been on my mind for the past few weeks, but for some reason I always kept procrastinating, and now it just seems to late, when there are so many other things on my mind right now. as much as I really do want to tell each of you individually how much I love and care for you, I need to drop this burden from my mind before this mental weariness kills me. this will have to suffice:

If you've been a true friend to me, and yes, you will know if you have been, thank you for everything. thank you for caring, thank you for sharing, thank you for the times we've had, thank you for the thoughts we've shared, thank you for the gifts you've given, thank you for the lessons you've taught me, whether you know it or not.

may God be with you always. :)

2012-01-26T00:25:00.002+08:00

sigh. all that fake-enthusiasm about NS has disappeared.
it's not that I don't want to go in. I do. it's a new experience I'm looking forward to.
I just don't want to go in now. it just feels like I still have so much unfinished business.
ohwell. I guess if I went in in May I would have to get a job and I wouldn't be any freer.
need to get myself hyped for this again. and get some energy to live out these few days before I go in. so tired.

2012-01-22T02:05:00.001+08:00

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD HE REIGNS.
OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD.
<3

2012-01-22T01:47:00.001+08:00

only at the cross do you finally realise how undeserving, how empty, how wicked we really are. and how great his love for us is. both realisations need to be made.

2012-01-22T01:32:00.001+08:00

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

2012-01-22T01:18:00.002+08:00

it stings a little to know that I mayn't have even left a single mark of importance or worth in your life after all this while.
but it absolutely hurts to know the consequences of that. yes, it's shallow to think about such things I guess. you don't believe just to go to heaven.
you can do so much more on this earth too.
I just have to trust God once again. it's wonderful how the helplessness I feel each and every time just opens my eyes to how much God can do.
it's so hard to watch and worry. but love is sometimes a burden we have to carry.
Jesus loves ya! (:

2012-01-22T01:12:00.001+08:00

yet I feel completely helpless. speechless.

2012-01-20T03:59:00.001+08:00

everyone's growing up. sigh. :)

2012-01-19T02:48:00.003+08:00

man...Demi's Give Your Heart A Break is damn catchy...been stuck in my mind playing on loop for the past 2 hours >_>
my heart has been on WAY too much of a break. oh well, if I lasted 2 years I can last another 2.

2012-01-17T10:40:00.002+08:00

been looking through photos on facebook.
no question about it. the past 2 years have been epic.

2012-01-17T01:26:00.003+08:00

on another note, I've really been rotting away the last few weeks of my freedom! guess I go out quite sporadically and spontaneously. I seriously don't even plan each day until maybe the day before. went back to school 3 times last week.

Tuesday was for BB day. Hodge is really shaking things up. BB day and apparently all the other UG days have been cut short and simplified. and only KAH and steering allowed to go reception. phew. out before the free food became unavailable to me :P and I still got to eat this year when they invited the Year 7s for the reception too.
though seriously, it was kinda disappointing that the parade got cut short and cut down so much, and to make matters worse, it rained. so there wasn't really any parade :(
went to ghim moh market with shaun and yung after that so that yung could have his craving for carrot cake satisfied :P then we went to carl's junior at plaza sing to meet clement and shane for lunch.

Wednesday I went in the afternoon, delivering koi for the lot of them. good ol' times. met clement and zack there. gave a few gifts to some of the teachers that taught me. had to leave for ear candling after that.

Thursday I went in the afternoon again, to deliver books to the Year 6s. went scouting all around school looking for teachers. didn't manage to find many, but at least some. most of them either knocked off or are away on OEP. so, I still have a reason to go back to school :D

Friday I had dimsum with the hong kong group. I almost forgot about it :P went to LAN after that for a long time. then met the YA people at west mall, before heading for a wake. after that, went to Clement's house for LG. Kinect! :D

Saturday had BS in school, and after that, the Just for Mee aunty treated us to a meal she cooked for us! :D for us regular customers :P
still went with the rest to 18 chefs at fusionopolis in the end, and after that were denied entry into school so we couldn't play soccer :( :( :( was super sad lah.
ended up just going home to crash hahaha.

Sunday had church, then a movie at Causeway Point. Courageous. very nice touching movie. SOMEONE cried like crazy mad a lot hahahahahahaha. oh well, she even cried for kungfu panda so I'm not surprised. it's a nice movie about fathers and the role they have in their children's life. yeah. stuff like that. glad a Christian movie is being showed in the cinemas! :)
went for badminton after that. then dinner

Today, or rather yesterday (monday), went for brunch with claire and julia @ ah mei kaya toast @ rail mall. had dinner with my sis @ subway @ rail mall again. heh. so walked quite a bit.
AH, WHO AM I KIDDING. I NEED TO RUN AND EXERCISE.

and so that was my week.
I NEED TO EXERCISE.

2012-01-17T01:12:00.003+08:00

sigh. I've had fun. so much fun.

I seriously thank God for the past 3 months. heck, I thank God for the past 2 years. IB has seriously been an amazing blast, and now that it's over, and army is looming ahead, I really can't help but yearn for the days that school ended at 1pm on most days, where I could chill at the Koi pond or math lab or wherever I wanted to really. I miss the company. of friends, of juniors, and even of teachers.

I know what lies ahead is a totally different journey, one that I am honestly quite eager to start. no, I do not fear NS, because I know that God will guide me through it. if I have nothing else, I have him. I want to see new people, get a chance to impact their lives, while at the same time letting them leave their footprints in this chapter of my life.

but still, back to the past. I have friends who I never want to lose contact with. while I will be physically in Tekong, and after that wherever my vocation sends me, my heart will always be with the few that have become so precious to me. God really blessed me with so many awesome friends in AC. BB cohortmates, BB juniors, classmates, ex-classmates. I trust him to do the same in NS, and if possible, have friendships as deep as the ones I formed in school. but of course, it's a totally different environment now.

and of course, another part of my heart will be with my church friends. my childhood friends whom I've known for life. girls that I will never feel awkward with. guys I've grown up and shared all sorts of retarded moments with.

oh well, not whining that the past is past, but just extremely grateful for everything. the future will be better. life is gonna rock (more).

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2012-01-08T00:59:00.002+08:00

oh gosh. feels like the introvert inside me has taken over completely. I just feel like staying at home and lazing around all day nowadays. doesn't help that I've found a nice dominion online site. I thought I would be able to haul my ass out of the house once I finished the BBT seasons (and yes I have) but turns out all that sitting around has made me comfortable to slacking at home.

even on msn I'm so unresponsive :/ I feel so bad for daoing people but somehow I just can't get myself to talk. my brain's turning to mush. and so are my legs. I'm gonna turn into a fat couch potato at this rate.

better get up and go play...

2012-01-07T01:32:00.002+08:00

sigh.

I am supposed to be extremely elated for the undeserved results I got.

and yet I'm already starting to worry about the future.

need to remind myself, if God can provide this miracle, his plan for me is gonna be good.

it's just that it's demoralising to see that getting a job at NatGeo is something that seems quite out of reach. first a few years of experience as a journalist/writer for some other magazine. plus knowledge of a few languages. and even after that, it's not confirmed that you'll get the job!

alternative route that does seem quite attractive is the travel itinerary planner/manager. I would have fun doing that too. probably get to travel once in awhile to settle admin stuff! :P

but I guess I have to learn to relax and see where God leads me.

the pressure from my dad to get a scholarship isn't helping ><

2012-01-06T23:47:00.002+08:00

really pleasantly surprised by my results today.

but at anchorpoint having dinner with my parents, I got humbled by a kid who helped me use the automatic tap in the toilet.

I was trying so hard to wash my hands cuz it had soap all over and i was honestly looking quite stupid putting my hands under and taking them out trying to get the thing to sense me and the kid, after washing his hands, came over and put his hands under the sensor so it worked and I could wash my hands. heh. felt really stupid after that. cool experience though hahahahahaha.

but seriously, thank God for my results.

beyond my wildest expectations. well ok wildest would be 45 but that was clearly off the table, and I was expecting at most 41. so really, all glory to God, seeing as I can't even operate an automatic tap, 43 is definitely his grace. ^^

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2012-01-05T00:25:00.001+08:00

I WANNA SCREAM OUT THAT THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN IN A LONG TIME! WICKED WAS PERFECT. I CAN NOW DIE PEACEFULLY. (well yeah I still have to see the African safari and Northern Lights but this is one major thing off my bucket list).

THANK YOU GOD. <3

2012-01-04T01:45:00.000+08:00

ah I am such a big gigantic wreck. Wicked should cure everything.

yay. :)

2012-01-04T01:35:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOSH. NO. I'M NOT READY TO RECEIVE MY RESULTS. MAY 6TH JAN NEVER COME. THANKS.

do not see the huge capitalised letters above as a panic attack. I am merely having trouble accepting the fact that my holiday will be ruined in 3 days time.

oh God give me peace.

2012-01-03T16:07:00.002+08:00

I've really never felt this way about a birthday as I do now. I hate it. I hate being reminded I'm no longer 18. I usually like my birthdays but I just suddenly do not feel in the mood for celebrating. sigh. still, thanks to everyone who remembered.

2012-01-02T00:55:00.003+08:00

sigh...I don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year...I don't want to turn 19.

Nineteen. That's freakin' old. ugh.

2011-12-24T01:20:00.002+08:00

sigh. my childhood friends. how did we grow apart like that?

I hope this is just a short season where everyone coincidentally isn't free.

one left for US for what seems to have been quite awhile (a few months). finally just got back to Singapore.

one is in US now...having a holiday.

one is I have no idea where. in Singapore. but haven't talked for awhile.

another just doesn't seem interested to come back. I mean yeah he'll be there for awhile but he's leaving the moment he can.

what to do?

no wonder I'm feeling less and less close to church. oh well still got my female friends which oddly enough still seem to be...there.

meh.

2011-12-14T00:27:00.002+08:00

on a separate non-recounting note, I'm starting to feel really lacklustre. I knew I wanted this holiday to be packed with fun activities, catching up with friends and going out and everything. and it's sort of how it's turning out. but somehow something is missing. yes, I know I'm spending it with people I want to. at least most of the time. and hopefully maintaining/improving the relationships I have with these people. and yeah, I did want to put relationships above personal leisure and other things at the start of this year. people really make life better for me. at least people I love. but I might have made the mistake of loving others more than loving God. I know I've drifted. I can feel it. but I need some drive and impetus to get back. church just isn't doing it. the weekly sermons don't seem to be saying much. sigh. can't blame the speakers or the church of course. everyone is responsible for their own relationship with God.

but I just want to feel that passion once again. that desire and vision to serve God with every breath. what I used to have, but since have lost, somehow, either amidst IB or in fact I think more accurately amidst the holidays. they have been nothing but a time of inconsequential fun for me.

I need to find meaning again.

2011-12-14T00:17:00.002+08:00

SUNDAY, 11TH DEC 2011...

sermon by pastor Phil on the miracle of Christmas. then lunch, and intro to the timothy programme. it sounds really really interesting, but sadly I have NS so I don't even have a choice. then went to distribute calendars in toh yi. quite fun I guess.

went home, slept, went for badminton, no other kids there. sigh. but managed to exercise. pulled/strained a muscle I think. stomach muscle while doing situps/pullups. gah so unfit.

MONDAY, 12TH DEC 2011...

met James at Holland V Starbucks. Christmas 1 for 1 special. actually finished a starbucks coffee drink! the peppermint mocha was 90% peppermint 10% mocha I think. that's why I managed to. if not I usually hate coffee :P

then went to burger shack for lunch with James, Dom, Ben Yu, n Mr Goh.

after that, rushed off to Newton to do the market research survey thing. really interesting experience. got to meet different people, one was a year 5 IB girl in ACSI! there was another IB graduate (just ended, like me) from Hwa Chong Int'l, one who just finished A lvls, another in JC1, one in poly, one who just finished N lvls, and one who just finished O lvls. so really interesting and diverse! after 2 hours, got the $80. :D

then went to meet Wei Yang, Joshua Tay, Zeng Rong, and Bynes at bugis junction. good catchup time with the bunch of 'em. glad to have been in their class for 2 years :)

TUESDAY, 13TH DEC 2011...

FINALLY WENT TO SCHOOL TO PLAY STREET SOCCER! with Shaun Low, Ting Yu, Michael Wong, Noel, Jon Wai, Mark Ong, Ben Yu. street soccer is always good. finally got that off the want-to-do list for this holidays. went for lunch at Wah Chee. had butter chicken. Jon Wai prayed for a healthy meal. oh well. went back to play more soccer. then went to clementi mall library, and after that, ah mei kaya toast.

2011-12-11T01:05:00.002+08:00

to elaborate on later...

WEDNESDAY, 30TH NOV 2011...

met DK and james at bukit timah plaza. they were doing their bbsg duty.

THURSDAY, 1ST DEC 2011...

watched Super 8 at home. then to BTP to get popcorn chicken where I saw Dom and Marcus. then to bloke's house for the army talk.

FRIDAY, 2ND DEC 2011...

SATURDAY, 3RD DEC 2011...

Pipes & Drums. watched Twilight Breaking Dawn after that with James, Grace, Wei Ren, Shane, Joshua Ong.

SUNDAY, 4TH DEC 2011...

had church, lunch, youth, cell, stayed back to watch musical practice, then badminton at CDANS.

MONDAY, 5TH DEC 2011...

went to Marina Bay Sands skyroof (tompang Julia's stay) with her, Anna, and Elisa. then went to cathay to watch The Ides of March with Shaun and Clement.

TUESDAY, 6TH DEC 2011...

went bowling with Sis, Claire, Isabel, Julia, Isaac. 2nd game was the best out of the 3 I played, with just 102 ._.

went to clementi library, stoned there for awhile, then went to the Fish & Co at NUStown or something for dinner, where Isabel was working.

WEDNESDAY, 7TH DEC 2011...

went to cathay to watch Already Famous with James, Ben Yu, Grace, Shane. had lunch first at some Jap place in Plaza Sing. went with James and Grace to RafflesCity where I tried the Canele chocolate something...the name escapes me right now. gah. hate it when this happens.

THURSDAY, 8TH DEC 2011...

went to jon wai's house to watch I Am Number Four, Green Lantern, and a few episodes of Big Bang Theory. people there: jon wai, james, ben yu, zi an.

FRIDAY, 9TH DEC 20111...

bible study at my house, shaun, clement, mong, zackarias, jeu, and sean ng were here for it.

clement shared to remind us to remember to have our focus right for bible study, to know what we're doing it for, and how important it will be in the upcoming future in NS.

after that, played a few card games.

then went to Thaipan for dinner with Clement, Shaun and Zack. met Loj, Sean Ng, and Darren Tay there. had olive fried rice again :D

SATURDAY, 10TH DEC 2011...

stayed home and watched Modern Family the whole day.

2011-12-11T00:04:00.004+08:00

just to remind myself of how the holidays went...

THURSDAY, 24TH NOV 2011...

finished packing my bag in the morning and had lunch with Shaun, Klarissa, Darren and Loj at Thaipan. pretty good food, esp the olive fried rice :D

after that, went to the airport for HONG KONG :D

so people who went on the trip: clement, shaun, mong, yung, asher, grace, esther. and me of course.

esther lent me her iTouch to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic. which really helped to pass time, cuz the return trip felt ALOT longer. when we touched down at HK airport, we had dinner at some Maxim place. interesting first meal, glazed bbq pork with noodles I think. first of ALOT of food we were going to have. cabbed back in 2 taxis to ROYAL PLAZA HOTEL. pretty good place except our room had the stench of smoke... >_> anyway, got used to it after awhile.

so basically, most of the nights, we went to one person's room and played card games. poker card games like bridge, big 2, or 7 spades, or Bang! fun :D which meant we actually slept pretty late most nights and didn't get much sleep :P

FRIDAY, 25TH NOV 2011...

ironically, I had Macs pancakes for breakfast. I know. we were in a bad place. couldn't find any decent food because we were in a rush to Ocean Park.

and Ocean Park itself was honestly quite a disappointment. especially after having had an awesome experience in USS with the countless battlestar galactica rides. the mine train and space thrower or something was alright I guess. but the big rides were all closed. lunch was completely crappy. just hotdog buns and tasteless crappy popcorn. guess it was good we saw some animals like Pandas and Red Pandas...

we had dinner somewhere in Admiralty, and another maxim place called "The Canteen". wasn't too bad I guess. bought supplies from Watsons too.

eh, anyway, that first day wasn't too spectacular...

oh there was one saving grace, WE FOUND GONGCHA. quite near to our hotel too! ^^

was pretty awesome especially since it originated from Hong Kong. I definitely gotta find Koi in Taiwan :P

SATURDAY, 26TH NOV 2011...

this was the Noah's Ark day. the toucans were super cute. and a few of the other live animals there. besides that, I really don't have much to say >< I guess the conquests to Mount Ararat to locate the actual ark were quite interesting as well. it wasn't really super interesting but I wasn't really expecting much so I enjoyed myself I guess. found good dragon beard candy there!

oh and backtracking a little, breakfast was AWESOME on this day. we had dimsum breakfast at the hotel restaurant. chee cheong fun and the sweet pastries were SO good. custard bun was awesome too. yeah then after that we left for noah's ark blah blah blah.

and after noah's ark, we went back to the hotel and freshened up. then went to meet clement's family friends who treated us to a steamboat restaurant :) I'm not a huge fan of steamboat but I enjoyed myself :) and yung's zegna pants were the highlight of the night, what with all the blue ink rubbing of on his hands. hahahahaha. it was soooo hilarious.

SUNDAY, 27TH NOV 2011...

ok THIS. best morning/afternoon ever. the pink dolphin tour. loved EVERY part of it. ok but breakfast wasn't too good, got caught in a tourist trap place where the prices did not justify the quality. but at least I got a Polo bun after that which was pretty decent.

OK THEN THE DOLPHIN TOUR WAS AMAZING. saw so many dolphins! so close up some more! and the boat/ship was just awesome lah. we were the only ones on the top deck of the ship save for a caucasian family. the wind in my hair and everything. pretty awesome. oh and the caucasian family had cute kids :P we all agreed so I'm not pedo ok! :P

the tour guide was also super pro, good sense of humour and really knows her stuff. respect. heard her say to someone else that she was not expecting that many dolphins and that normally they have significantly fewer sightings. felt so blessed :D

we had lunch at the factory outlet mall nearby, which honestly wasn't that good. as in both the lunch and the shopping. all I bought was 2 pairs of socks. heh. but the awesomeness of the morning made it bearable.

we went back to mongkok for dinner, along a street I'd like to call pet shop street :P it was FILLED with pet stores! with super adorable puppies and kittens! we had roast duck/char siew/shao rou/one more meat I can't remember. partly sponsored by clement's parents :P and yeah I think we had gongcha again :D I'm not exactly sure though.

MONDAY, 28TH NOV 2011...

we slept pretty late the night before (try 5am) and woke up at almost noon :P

headed down to tsim sar shui for a little shopping at H&M, where I got 2 tops :)

then we had this WONDERFUL BRUNCH at this place called Tang Chao (Sweet Dynasty). it was amazing. the dimsum there, the desserts, the beancurd was their specialty, but the food in general was awesome. after that, we shopped at harbour city, which is EXTREMELY huge. slowly walked the whole length of it. didn't even really cover it.

we had dinner at crystal jade xiao long bao. THE BEST MEAL EVER. the double-boiled soup there is to die for. seriously. freaking amazing stuff. and the xiao long bao and guo tie of course. mouth-watering. managed to get most of my gifts on this day :P

after dinner, we hung around for a bit, and at Toys R Us I bought a toy sword :P just for sheer retardedness sake :P

TUESDAY, 29TH NOV 2011...

we had breakfast dimsum at the hotel's restaurant again :D

then we decided to explore the area near our hotel since we had to leave for the airport soon.

turns out there were some pretty amazing shops. ESPECIALLY THIS ONE SHOP WHICH HAD ALL THE AIRPLANE MODELS THAT EVER EXISTED. like seriously. it was pretty amazing how many models of airplanes were in that one shop. if I were the shop owner, I'd be proud.

we had lunch/dinner at the airport. then comes the crazy part. we almost missed our flight.

there was this epic mad dash to catch at the end, which was really scary but to be honest, fun :P

we made it in time fortunately, and took the plane back to home sweet home :)

awesome trip all in all. :D

2011-12-10T01:31:00.005+08:00

I am currently facing a complete lack of priorities and planning.

which means I just go for whatever comes up.

mostly because I don't really like planning stuff, so I end up just saying yes to whatever outing pops up.

but I'm starting to get tired.

but yes, I did imagine my holidays being spent with people I love.

it's just...sometimes the activities we do aren't very satisfying.

it's mostly food and shows, and maybe a little games.

yes, the time spent is important. the relationships that grow from it is good.

but I also don't want to look back at my holidays and realise I haven't really DONE much. haven't DONE the things I wanted to do. because I was too lazy to plan them. sigh.

I need to do something.

but for now, I'm just like debris in the ocean, tossed by every passing wave.

time to spend more time securing the anchor.

We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll,
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.

2011-12-06T03:28:00.001+08:00

oh man. this being grateful thing just failed on me. too much to type ><

but I'm just extremely grateful for most of life and how it is now anyway! :D

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-12-04T23:53:00.003+08:00

ahhhh. oh my goodness. The Last Airbender: Legend of Korra. ahhhhhhh.

The Legend of Aang was really just one of the best shows I have EVER watched in my life.

definitely my favourite cartoon show. I think maybe even my favourite show.

loved everything from the plot, characters, and character development, to the setting, action, humour and music.

it was basically perfect.

I remember how I was feeling as if a part of my life was over when I watched the last episode. and I finally got over after a long while, only to find out it's coming back!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

and if they revisit old places and characters I will just go totally crazyyyyyyyyyyyy.

definitely definitely confirm plus chop plus stamp watching this.

2011-12-04T01:42:00.002+08:00

Idina Menzel

Adele

Beyonce

Sara Bareilles

Sarah McLachlan

Avril Lavigne

Kelly Clarkson

Amy Lee (Evanescence)

Hayley Williams (Paramore)

The Honey Trees

The Civil Wars

A Fine Frenzy

2011-12-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

gah wanted to start when it was 25 days to Christmas. but what the heck. I'll just start now.

25 days to be thankful. (well yeah, you should be thankful all the time, but tis' the season to be especially jolly, and what better way than to remember how blessed you are :)

and not in any order of importance.

25. A loving Christian family.

I love my family background. Seriously. I couldn't have asked for better parents. Well, I could, because not all parents are perfect. But I'm seriously thankful to have the family I have. Complete. Not always happy together, but nevertheless, together, and happy to be so most of the time :)

It is often the teenage years when one tends to see their family as more of a burden than blessing, or the time when the faults of a family become more apparent. But to be honest, I cannot fault my family for anything. I love my parents. I love my sister. I am so glad to be in the family I am in. and I am so glad my parents brought me to church from young. So glad that I am raised up in a Christian environment. That my father works to bring home the money. That my mom works for a meaningful cause. That my sister is my sister, despite the many quarrels and disagreements we have, we're still nice to each other at times :)

and for my grandma, who's always around at home to make things feel happier. she's always cheery and unlike other grandmas, doesn't nag really. love how I can just pop into her room and watch whatever show she's watching and laugh along with her whenever.

and for my maid who, though not perfect, has done her job generally well, and cooks nice too :D and for her random giggles at my singing at home yet still tolerating it (yeah I know, she has to) :P but yeah, at least she's nice!

and yeah, so I really thank God for this wonderful home that I have. :)

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-11-23T23:17:00.002+08:00

ok so to remember the past 3 days. because the post-IB holidays are just sooooo awesome.

SUNDAY, 20TH NOV 2011...

had church as per normal, about marriage. so honestly it didn't feel very relevant :/

which is why I always thought we should have a youth service for the youth. the main services sometimes are really just too far off for us. but sigh, that's not going to happen anytime soon. guess I can't compare my church with other churches that are bigger, and thus can have their own youth service with a sermon (like COOS).

stayed back to hobo a bit and watch the dry run of the musical "Heavenly Hero Chosen One". it's quite funny hahahaha. died when they did the Wa Meng Ti song with edited lyrics. hilarious.

had dinner at rail mall subway with quite a lot of people, then went to josiah's house to try Skyrim.

I can never play these kinda open-ended games, because I just HAVE to explore every single detail of a game, I need to exhaust all possibilities, which in a free-form game like Elder Scrolls is impossible :P I ended up killing a town's chicken and receiving their aggro :P

MONDAY, 21ST NOV 2011...

POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST DAYS IN MY LIFE. ok so Darren Tay had 4 free tickets to USS, so he invited us. 9 of us went in the end, so we just split up the price of the remaining 5 tickets among the 9, so it was still subsidized sort of. :)

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. OMGOSH. we started of the day straight away chionging to the Cylon one. the feeling while queueing up for it was quite exhilarating, because the last time i took a challenging rollercoaster was eons ago. I can't even remember. so anyway, the 9 of us, me, darren, clement, shaun, klarissa, zack, loj, leon heng and jon wong spammed the rides like crazy (ok maybe not jon wong cuz he had motion sickness halfway :/).

personal count:

12 times on the battlestar galactica - 8 on the Cylon, 4 on the Human.

2 times on the transformers ride

- oh, and just let me say, THE TRANSFORMERS RIDE IS FREAKIN' AWESOME. LIKE SERIOUSLY THE BEST SIMULATOR I'VE EVER TAKEN. I FELT LIKE MEGATRON WAS REALLY TRYING TO KILL ME, AND THAT I WAS REALLY AN OMNIBOT. FELT SO MUCH PRIDE WHEN OPTIMUS PRIME CONGRATULATED ME IN THE END. "YOU BRAVERY HAS SAVED THE PLANET (in typical low optimus prime voice)". IT WAS AMAZING. SERIOUSLY. WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW STUNNED AND AWED I WAS BY IT.

anyway, continuing on,

2 times on the mummy. still fun, though i took it before. of course, BSG and transformers were still the best :P

n a lot of other rides. which I can't be bothered to list out now because im lazy :P

all in all, an EPIC day. loved it. we camwhored a bit at the end and had dinner at vivo. awesome awesome day.

TUESDAY, 22ND NOV 2011...

PROM. ok so the venue and food were a little disappointing. but I still would've gone if I had known, cuz it was pretty awesome just to meet everyone again, all dressed up formally and everything, and to take photos like there's no tomorrow :P

after that, me, shaun, clement and darren walked along orchard road just to take in the sights. went to the roof of orchard central where we realised, oops, couples were making out there. awkwaaaard.

we were later joined by loj, then had ice cream at cold stone creamery. it was pretty good! had the apple pie ice cream. yummm.

after that went loj's house where we played bridge, boggle, and scrabble. I won boggle and scrabble heh. looks like all that family time spent playing word games helped ^^

cabbed back with clement at around 2+ to 3, reached home at 3.45am around there. I think it was the latest I ever reached home :P

WEDNESDAY, 23RD NOV 2011...

HAD COLOSSE OUTING! though it was quite small, just asher, ashley, ben yu, james, jon ng (year 2), and wei zhe (year 1). mr goh joined us too. had lunch at macs. waited for it to hit 12 for mcvalue lunch :P

after that, played blackshot for awhile, where asher was owning like crazy...then we played a game of dota, quite funny, only me and asher knew how to play so he owned again...and more blackshot later. quite fun lah ^^

then went to play BISHI BASHI at the arcade :D SUPER FUN hahaha. and played a little DDR too :P

then went back to macs to play mono-deal...hahahaha. a short but fun outing ^^ was gonna watch a movie but luckily they decided not to in the end because movie's are antisocial :P no interaction. heh.

oh yeah, had only 4 hours of sleep...and I'm going to hong kong tomorrow! SO EXCITED :D

YEAHHHHHHHH.

LIFE HAS SERIOUSLY NEVER BEEN BETTER THAN THE PAST WEEK.

POST-IB IS SO AWESOME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD, for seeing me through these 2 years, and for the awesome fun I'm having now! :D

JESUS LOVES YA! ;)

2011-11-23T22:46:00.001+08:00

how rational is love supposed to be?

it's currently feeling waaaay to rational for it to feel...real.

2011-11-23T22:45:00.001+08:00

Life used Confuse Ray. Benjamin is now confused.

POST IB IS DAMN FANTASTIC.

2011-11-19T22:43:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA OMG THE END OF IB IS WONDERFUL.

TUESDAY, 15TH NOV 2011...

MY FINAL PAPER ENDED. THE FEELING WAS DAMN AWESOME.

we went back to the math lab and played 2 or 3 rounds of Bang! with the bio people before leaving for lunch @ 18 chefs at fusionopolis to let them study for their remaining papers. so it was just me, clement, jack, mong, and darren.

after that we took circle line to promenade, n went into the MBS shopping centre, robinsons, to see the Wicked costumes. ahhh so excited to watch it seriously!

then from there, we went to dhoby to LAN. starcraft 2. for 4 hours. headache after that >_>

n from there we went to plaza sing to have dinner at the bratwurst shop in the basement. it's pretty good! ^^

so yeah, that was tuesday.

WEDNESDAY, 16TH NOV 2011...

I lazed around at home the whole day pokemon-ing. seriously. I cannot really describe this day in anymore detail really. pretty boring but needed to cure the headache from the previous day of over-RTS-ing.

THURSDAY, 17TH NOV 2011...

THE BIO PEOPLE WERE NOW FREE!! so we wanted to play soccer, but sadly, the court was used by hockey people :(

it was me, clement, shaun, klarissa, jon wong, sean ng, darren tay, zack, loj.

so we went straight to LAN at dhoby again. oh before that, had lunch at JustAcia at the Dhoby Gaut MRT XChange or something. free flow drinks and ice cream! worth it being the jews that we were :D

LANned C&C tiberium wars this time, more RTS ><

played a little COD which Klarissa enjoyed :D heh. I think FPS > RTS :P

oh and half a fail game of dota which nobody really wanted to play in the end so we stopped in prematurely...

again, all the RTS gave me a bit of a headache. when I went to sleep at night, I kept hearing missile cannons firing and weird UFO like thingys shooting stuff. had to put a wet cold towel on my head before going to sleep ><

anyway, after LAN, we were intending to head back to school for the intended soccer, but the rain washed away all our plans. :/

we got stuck in cathay, so we decided to eat at Aston's. not bad actually :)

after that, we went to clement's house where we played quite a few games of Bang! quite an awesome game. super fun :D

ended up leaving at around 10 or 11!

FRIDAY, 18TH NOV 2011...

decided to go for the inter-wing (i.e. company) outing at dhoby. woke up a bit late :P but managed to reach in time to watch Tintin with the rest. not a bad movie, but not a spectacular one either. never read the comics also so I didn't get all the references. but it was ok. after that, had lunch at Kino. and erm, I can't even list all the people because honestly I don't think I can remember/know all their names. it was mostly philippi/galatia, only me and james were colosse. not sure about ephesus. supposedly no one from ephesus.

after lunch we went to LAN again. COUNTERSTRIKE. YEAH.

it was super fun. Jun Jian was owning ><

then after that we tried TF2. now I've been skeptical about that game for a while, always refusing to go if I found out TF2 was gonna be played majority of the time. bad first experience guess, being made to play medic which I found pretty boring.

decided to try pyro this time. and let me tell you, THERE IS NO GREATER JOY THAN BURNING SHIT UP.

how I play Pyro:

1. rush into the middle of some enemies.

2. hold down fire.

3. turn around and around in a rapid frenzy. (i.e. just shake my mouse like crazy)

note: doesn't do too well against snipers.

heh. I wasn't too good at it, but at least it was pretty fun ^^

after that, a few of us had dinner at Carl's Jr. me, james, jon wai, jun jian, and jon goh (or fonny as he's called). oh my. just realised all their names start with J. O_O

OH AND CARL'S JR HAS SUPER LONG STRAWS NOW! SO COOL.

after that, we went to ion coffee bean and chilled. played bridge and taiti and had some nice hot chocolate ^^

pretty awesome day all in all :D

oh and of course at night, miggy and colin came over to stay for the night, because we were going to cycle the next day. they already covered the northern half of singapore before reaching my house.

SATURDAY, 19TH NOV 2011...

woke up at around 7, had breakfast etc, then left at around 8 on bikes with raemiguel and colin. we went by hillview, bukit timah, then cut through botanic gardens. which we found out we were not supposed to cycle in. heh. oops. whatever, we made our way to orchard by 10. heh. it was super awkward cycling there lah. so many people walking around and stuff. but we made it through, then from marina it was pretty easy to cycle all the way to kallang. had lunch @ pastamania where they were playing all the old songs, taylor swift, all american rejects, maroon 5, etc! after that, mig and colin continued for east coast while i waited at coffee bean (yeah, again) for my parents. enjoyed another cup of hot chocolate, but this time THEY GAVE MARSHMALLOWS, and read A Wrinkle In Time. love that book. one of the few lit books (i.e. books we were required to read for school) that I actually really really loved. so yeah, re-reading it now so I can read the whole series over the holidays.

went home, took a good nap, then went to matthew's house for bbq ^^

good to see the good ol' hillview LG friends again ^^

and oh man, can't believe the A lvl people still having their exams and I've already went into full mode hard core slacking n enjoying. :P

played COD with matt on his xbox, got completely THRASHED online :P

heh I suck at using the xbox controller :P

but im not too good with the com either lah. :P

BUT ALL IN ALL, AN AWESOME WEEK IT HAS BEEN.

and it hasn't ended, there's still tomorrow!

OH AND I'M GOING TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS ON MONDAY. YEAAAAAAAAAAH.

TUESDAY WILL BE PROM.

AND THURSDAY I'LL BE GOING TO HONG KONG WITH CLEMENT, SHAUN, MONG, ASHER, YUNG, ESTHER, AND GRACE! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

LIFE IS AWESOME.

THANK YOU GOD! :)

2011-11-16T01:26:00.002+08:00

I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

the emotions of calm mixed with warmth, coziness, love, and just a sudden gratefulness for everything I have, everyone I've known, and just basically God's boundless love for me.

words don't cut it.

indescribable feeling.

ahhhhh. <3

2011-11-16T01:21:00.003+08:00

OK. NOW TO HYPE MYSELF UP FOR THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE.

NEXT WEEK: PROM. AND HONG KONG TRIP! :D

3RD WEEK: TAIWAN TRIP WITH FAMILY!

4TH WEEK: CHRISTMAS. <3

4TH JAN: WICKED. <3

it's the most wonderful time of the year.

2011-11-16T01:09:00.001+08:00

instinctively clicked on the countdown timer I had in my favourites bar. seeing this just made me feel so good again:
http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2011&month=11&date=15&hrs=10&ts=24&tz=480&min=0&sec=0&lang=en&show=dhms&mode=t&cdir=down&bgcolor=%23CCFFFF&fgcolor=%23000000&title=Countdown%20To%20FREEDOM

2011-11-16T01:03:00.002+08:00

Prepare for trouble. Make it double.
To protect the world from devastation. To unite all peoples within our nation.
To denounce the evils of truth and love. To extend our reach to the stars above.
Jesse, James, team rocket blast of at the speed of light,
surrender now, or prepare to fight, fight, fight!
Meowth that's right!
WOBUFFET!

^THIS IS THE KINDA RANDOM SHIZ THAT MY BRAIN DECIDES TO TRY TO REMEMBER AFTER EMPTYING IT OF AS MUCH IB STUFF AS I CAN.

2011-11-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

the last few seconds of tomorrow's econs paper is gonna be so epic seriously.
the countdown. the anticipation. the "pen's down" and sudden realization of freedom.

2011-11-14T23:49:00.002+08:00

woah.
this is it.
my final IB paper.
in 10 hours this will all be over.

God, thank you for such a wonderful experience.
it has truly been one unlike any other.
from orientation, to WoW, to math ports and EETOKIA, everything has been great. yes, unbearable at times, but in the end, great.
it was through all this suffering that I've found friends. friends I hope to keep for life.
"ohhh Galinda we are happy for you."
I AM HAPPY FOR ME.
"THANK GOODNESS."
THANK YOU GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
<3

2011-11-14T09:54:00.001+08:00

so I haven't worked as hard as I should've, won't score as much as I could've, but I'm going to look back and say THESE were the best 2 years of my life.

2011-11-13T01:05:00.002+08:00

on a completely unrelated note, I just thought I'd share a warning or rather...note...to those entering IB soon.
don't ever ever give up on yourself, or lose hope.
I think I gave up pretty early on (like after the first math port...) and from then on, it went from acing IB to surviving IB. and so all pride I could find in my work was thrown out of the window. Hit the word limit? ok submit. teacher never say anything about it? ok submit. yeah. looking bad, it was pretty sad. but I sorta got jaded with IB and the whole getting 45 points thing. so I just completely tossed that out of the window. which led to a pretty nonchalant attitude towards most of my exams which I managed to rather easily meet promo criteria for, but just barely. I know I definitely didn't put in the most effort; I didn't even do my best.
but will I regret it? I guess the only thing I regret is giving up on myself that early. I won't beat myself up for not doing well for IB and not getting a very high score (I'm preparing myself for a 36?). Just wished that I had found some motivation or reason to do well. I didn't, so I'm not regretting. if anything, I'm happy for the whole IB experience and most importantly, the PEOPLE I got to know over the past 2 years. it's been unlike any other.
but yeah, for those entering IB, you'll definitely enter with a positive attitude; most people are quite enthusiastic about their EEs and IAs at the start. but don't lose that passion or enthusiasm. keep going. it'll get tiring, but know what you're working for. but don't neglect the other aspects of your life too of course.
easier said than done. which is why I didn't exactly succeed.
but anyway, bottom line, don't lose hope. draw strength and motivation from God?
yeah.

2011-11-13T00:30:00.003+08:00

get ready for pure pokemon rambling. (i.e. PLEASE ignore)

ok so I don't even know why I'm still playing Platinum.
my team can easily (quite easily) breeze through the elite four and their pokemon don't seem to improve after beating them so...
it's a pretty awesome team if I may say so myself :D
Infernape, Glaceon, Gardevoir, Gastrodon, Crobat, and Luxray ^^

then for SoulSilver, I don't even need 6 pokemon to clear the elite 4 -.-
Mewtwo almost singlehandedly wipes out Koga, Bruno, and Lance with Psychic/Psycho Cut/Blizzard.
Houndoom to clear Will, Heracross to clear Karen, and Ampharos to obliterate anything in between (see: random flying/water types like Slowbro and Gyrados).
but still training to fight Red. It's kinda funny though, only using 4 out of 6 slots. feels like my team is incomplete D:
though it can pretty much sweep almost everything...
lemme see what's missing...
Mewtwo covers Psychic/Ice. Heracross covers Bug/Ground/Rock/Fighting (yeah I know it's awesome like that). Houndoom covers Fire/Ghost/Dark. and Ampharos covers Electric/Rock (power gem :D). so I'm missing...water. oh yeah. that's where my Feraligator went. he wasn't too useful though ._. and grass of course but that's useless. :P
so that leaves me with getting a water/(ground/flying) i.e. quagsire/gyrados. hmm.

and for black, I've got a pretty awesome Excadrill. and training a gothita, vannilite, and planning to catch the electric fish (can't remember the name...)
planning to dump my starter sadly. which would make it the first version I ever do that. and no prizes for guessing, I chose the grass type one. because fire/fighting is so overdone (blaziken, infernape and NOW emboar?!) and water is...well I picked water for the gen 2 & 3. grass types sadly never become too useful.

oh yeah about gen 3, I'm also trying the Nuzlocke challenge. i.e. if your pokemon faints, it dies, meaning you have to chuck it in the com never to use it again. quite an interesting challenge. trying it on ruby, with swampert, electrode, hariyama, and a few others. already lost my numel, swellow, magnemite and a few others :(

wow. I'm juggling 4 generations of pokemon. bored. >_>

ok pokemon rant over.
back to life.
(crap yeah I know it looks bad since I'm in the middle of IB, but it's not really the middle anymore! just one subject! and all 3 papers cover the same thing!)

2011-11-10T22:38:00.001+08:00

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in.

this song is going on loop. no song can better describe how I feel.

2011-11-06T13:46:00.004+08:00

2102-2702, 0404, 0905, 2107, 2207, 2907, 3107, 0509, 0909, 0511.
mere numbers. but the days they represented were the best days of my life.

2011-11-05T00:38:00.001+08:00

Wicked fantasy. only thing I can occupy myself with.
the songs are just so beautiful.
Idina's and Kristin's voices. <3

2011-11-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

it's funny how I sometimes tell someone, "aiya, just forget about her!" when it actually ain't that easy. and it should be as easy as telling yourself to "just forget", but you're never "just" forgetting. emotions are annoying at times.

on another note, I want to make full use of my holidays after IB. I want it to count for something. want it to mean something.
wanna help out some people in some way however I can.
as seemingly perfect as Singapore is, this community still has needs.

God, I need you even more AFTER the exams. yes. help me to spend my time wisely.

2011-11-05T00:02:00.001+08:00

dear God, thank you for bringing me through the first week.
it was the worst. but I'm so thankful it's over.
math out of the way. geog out of the way.
now there's just chem, econs, and half of English to go.

2011-11-04T23:58:00.001+08:00

if there was any year I'd like to play over again and again, it would be this one.
but I say that for every year. oh well.
it only means next year will get better! (I hope).
though I do think I'm gonna enjoy this year more than the next. NS D:

loved the people I got to meet and know better this year :)

2011-11-03T22:02:00.001+08:00

funny how the people dearest to us may never even have an inkling of how important they are to us.

in other news, the end is really in sight.
my heart falters. but I will pull through this.
with God's strength and love.

2011-11-02T09:16:00.002+08:00

I need a cheery little blue girl in my life who will stay happy no matter what :(
<3 Making Fiends.

2011-11-02T00:35:00.002+08:00

some things, you have to acknowledge, were never yours to begin with. and will never be yours.
some things, you have to give up, let go.

2011-11-02T00:23:00.002+08:00

I will always long for the past. but that's just what makes me cherish the present.
coy camp 2011 ended recently. just on Sunday.
I didn't go for it. only the worship/sharing sessions.
and yes, I do regret not being able to go for the rest of the camp, but for whatever part of it I was there for, I was blessed. the messages by Malcolm Tan and Aaron Tay were good. but more than that, just the whole weekend generally helped me get back to God.
I will always regret forsaking BB in year 1-3, and really, if there was anything, any ONE thing I would do, it would be to fix that. but I know I have been changed for the better through the years I decided to let God use it to touch my life.
so, longing for the past, and cherishing the present.
where does that leave the future?
uncertainty. excitement. there is so much to look forward to.
but there is also so much to leave behind.
one thing that's been troubling me is my love for travel and adventure.
yes, I have grand plans to want to see the world as it is, geog has done that, and just knowing the many events and complexities of the world has really given me a hunger to get out of this place for awhile and really explore, cover the width and depth of this earth.
but travel is never going to be permanent, for people matter too much to me. I need to travel with the ones I love, and I love too many people for them all to come along with me (and anyway, what are the chances of even a few coming along!)
really, the one uncertainty I do not want to face is the one of losing loved ones to time and distance (both emotional and physical, but more emotional).
I'll meet new people along the way, and I might come to love some of them too.
but the people I love now, I really cannot leave behind.

but I shall look to God, he will direct my path.
and I just pray that I'll meet my loved ones in heaven at the end of the day, where really, there isn't anything more to worry about :)

2011-10-31T00:36:00.001+08:00

how is it you can think about someone for a few hours a day and yet not even say hi when you get the chance to?! oh gosh.

2011-10-31T00:00:00.001+08:00

oh God. why am I feeling like I can't do this?
help me. help me.
I've done nothing to deserve any good marks.
but I just need to get through this horrible period.
yeah, maybe I don't deserve the peace either.
but I need it God. I'm sorry.
.

1 day to IB exams.

2011-10-30T23:49:00.002+08:00

sigh.
emotional rollercoaster.
stupid exams.
that's what they do.
I've lost my drive ages ago. now I'm losing confidence, strength, care, and focus.
How many points I get seem to not even matter to me anymore.
Vision's getting blurrer. I thought I had a plan.
But I'm just completely helpless. once again.
I guess it's nice to feel helpless in God's hands.
but somehow the guilt of not working hard enough for this can gnaw at me.
that is, if I get good results in the end.
if I don't, then...let's just hope all this time I've been psyching myself works.
somehow.
it really is all in his hands.
too late to regret inactivity. too late to bemoan the things I didn't do (and I would've wanted to do so much more, though not academically).
oh God, I really need to make my life count. it's starting to lose colour and meaning. I thought I had it thought out. just this Sunday morning.
and now I'm helplessly fretting. I'm pathetically hilarious sometimes.
"Don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart." Yes. So true. yet somehow, I can't stop wishing. the idealism in me. I don't WANT to put it out, but matched with reality...
sigh.
I hope I make good.
with God, all things are possible. I just need to get my lazy ass out of this comfort zone. I wish I got kicked and ejected because I can't do this by myself.
I will make good. somehow.

2011-10-29T00:45:00.003+08:00

ELPHABA:
(spoken) Fiyero!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
When they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die:
Let him never die:

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead of bleeding.
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Nessa...
Doctor Dillamond...
Fiyero,
Fiyero!!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

2011-10-29T00:24:00.003+08:00

some drink beer.

some take drugs.

I play pokemon. :)

but like all temporary methods of emotional relief, when reality sets in, there's only one feeling again. pain.

painful.

watching coy camp whizz before my eyes.

helpless to change my sorry plight of having to study for the final IB exams.

I hate this.

and for what?

it's not like I'm even studying productively.

only one thing's on my mind. the end. the end of the IB exams.

not even the marks. the points. or whatever.

just the end of this long drawn out period.

just give me all 14 papers tomorrow to finish. ugh.

trying to look back to the time when I stopped caring about grades, I think it started way back last year. when passing was enough. when I decided to stop comparing with average. when I decided it was enough not to be last or the bottom few.

I mean sure, without much effort, I can probably make it. 30+ points.

and I've been psycho-ing myself to be alright with that, because I just really cannot work for any more. cannot find it in me. 40+ points, for what?

some scholarship? a place in law? (HAHAHAHA) some highly sought after class?

I seriously wouldn't go uni if I had a choice. I mean yeah, ok I do, but society doesn't really give us one. though if the opportunity presents itself between now and uni, I'm gonna try to do as many crazy wild things as possible. really wanna go to Africa to personally help the kids there or something. rich people don't earn my respect. it's the ones that put their lives on the line, that personally go there to help.

yeah, rich people help in their own ways of course, which is respectable too. but being rich itself is just totally overrated.

gah I'm ranting. rant rant rant. it's not like I have a reason to burnout because, y'know, I barely even worked hard, the flame probably never even started to BURN out. but yeah, somehow, I'm just...sick of this.

it's the last few days, I'll survive. barely. if that's what I can settle for.

can only look to God now and ask him for strength and motivation.

sigh.

2011-10-29T00:07:00.004+08:00

Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight
My wildest dreamings
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

And just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some borderline
And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make ev'ry last moment last
As long as you're mine

Maybe I'm brainless
Maybe I'm wise
But you've got me seeing
Through different eyes
Somehow I've fallen
Under your spell
And somehow I'm feeling
It's "up" that I fell

Every moment
As long as you're mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

Say there's no future
For us as a pair

And though I may know
I don't care!
Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I'll be here holding you
As long as you're mine

2011-10-28T03:08:00.001+08:00

sigh...coy camp.
all the fun I could have will linger at the back of my mind.
but I will fight on.
I must. :/

the only reason why I would want to be born ten years ago was so I could appreciate an original cast Wicked performance. Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. sigh.

I am sighing so much. :(

2011-10-27T09:19:00.001+08:00

to find amusement at the complexities and joy in the simple.

2011-10-24T23:51:00.003+08:00

And nobody in all of Oz

No wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!!!!

Bring me down...

~~~~

ahh. those few lines never fail to make me shiver with glee. it's musical perfection. the way Idina sings it. and the townspeople chanting to get her. and Glinda (Kristin) going "I hope you're happy" and the way it just sounds. so epic, climactic.

ahhh I can't wait for Wicked. Jan 4th. you seem so far away.

I'd sooner buy defying gravity.

2011-10-17T03:01:00.001+08:00

gah. game crashed AFTER I met and paralyzed Raikou?!?! WHY?!

2011-10-15T01:38:00.001+08:00

at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna do as badly as prelims :/

gah math math. I need to start working.

2011-10-08T03:04:00.003+08:00

on wednesday, 5th October, we went SICC for dinner, courtesy of Zack's mom and uncle! :D

there was Zack, Shaun, Clement, Loj, Ryan Goh, Tricia, Klarissa, Jon Wong. I tried some corn-fed chicken thing that was SUPER NICE.

and the appetiser and desserts were free flow!!! super interesting salad stuffs (RAISINS AND CASHEW NUTS!!!!) and dessert was just awesome (KUEH LAPIS, MOCHI, DIFFERENT TARTS, BLUEBERRY PIE), i really wish i had 4 stomachs like a cow.

the place was also super grand and i was getting culture shock. heh. too stunned.

only bad thing is that i couldnt just attack the chicken like i wanted to because it was a refined place :P

it was so painful trying to eat in a dignified non-unglam way when the chicken was so freaking delicious. i wanted to just omnomnom it with my hands. :P

it was like one of the best dinners ever!

thank God :)

2011-09-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

not by might, not by power, but by the Spirit of God.

I will run the race till I see your face,

oh let me live in the glory of your grace.

2011-09-19T01:19:00.002+08:00

now I don't know what fascinates me more.

my ability to stay completely calm despite being pretty unprepared for tomorrow (going in with the econs knowledge I had for Paper 1) or my ability to just get distracted and never start on work.

either way, why am I so calm?

and happy?

I'm freaking happy and I don't know why!!

joy unspeakable that won't go away, just enough strength to live for today, so I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, cuz my faith is on solid rock, I am counting on God.

there's my answer. <3

but yeah I should still work though.

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-09-18T23:38:00.001+08:00

when did I become satisfied with passing?

I think it was when I became satisfied with surviving. surviving through the sleepless nights of EETOKIA-rushing.

2011-09-18T02:51:00.001+08:00

oh God help. I'm wasting my life away...

2011-09-18T01:58:00.002+08:00

I feel this extreme lack of any sense of direction right now.

when now is the time in life when we have to decide.

all I have is a vague, seemingly far-off dream. working in nat geo.

but somehow, I'm fine with all that.

fine with just living in the present.

wasting every single second.

wasting or living. I don't know.

I mean, life is pretty ok as it is right?

but something inside wants more. I can do more.

just need the drive, the motivation.

the inspiration.

that comes only from Him above.

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-09-16T00:46:00.001+08:00

first I was interested in South America.

now Middle East is starting to intrigue me too.

the world is full of wonders.

diversity.

life.

Jesus loves ya! ;)

edit: include the micronesian states/islands as well.

2011-09-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

I want...

1. to experience the magic of Christmas again.

2. to be able to know, at that instant, when I've met the right one.

3. to really live every single second of my life, LIVE, not exist.

4. to stay faithful to God for the rest of my life.

5. to find a meaningful career. or to find meaning in my future career.

2011-09-13T01:43:00.002+08:00

The moments when your heart is full of joy, full of love for everyone, for everything.

such awesome moments.

and I am so thankful for the people in my life. :)

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-09-12T21:55:00.001+08:00

ok so math wasn't as disastrous. :)

2011-09-11T02:19:00.000+08:00

oh you've got to be kidding me.

math, math, what happened between us?

2011-09-11T02:07:00.002+08:00

who am I kidding.

with no drive, comes no results.

yeah, I can try to stir up all this false excitement towards the exams I have.

I mean, I could look at it as: if I do badly, I'll learn a lot from the things I got wrong, and if I do well, then...yay.

I just hope I do badly for the prelims so I'll really start to care.

I hope doing badly will shock me.

If it doesn't, then...

either way, only God can save me from this apathy. :/

2011-09-10T02:25:00.002+08:00

"I find I am alone felicitate in your dear Highness' love."

with reference to God. I think it's really the only way to be happy.

seek love, seek life, in other places, and you'll never find it.

glimpses and snapshots of it perhaps, in the faces of the people you love.

but never eternal.

only he is eternal, and can provide eternal comfort.

2011-09-10T02:07:00.001+08:00

the scars of your love they leave me breathless

I can't help thinking we could've had it all.

2011-09-09T01:40:00.001+08:00

it doesn't matter what I feel for my friends right?

it matters how I make them feel.

and nothing seems to be working.

this fixer-mentality isn't gonna do well for MY mentality. or mental health.

ohwell.

2011-09-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

ohmygoodness.
this feels like shifting house.
all I'm doing is transferring stuff from one laptop to another.
the laptop that I've used for 6 years.
yes, since sec 1.
now, seeing its bare, empty desktop, makes me feel so...
nostalgic.
oh gosh. i really do have a nostalgic complex.
dear samsung laptop, you have served me well for the past 6 years. this is nothing personal. I still love you <3
and it doesn't help that my desktop background is the primers room...and it's more visible now that all the icons on the desktop have been deleted/moved.
nostalgiaaa.
this feels like the end of an era. not just the switching of computers. this whole Year 6 final IB year, final year in ACSI thing.
things are gonna change so much after this.
the routine and predictability of the past 6 years, completely gone.
I like change. or at least I believed so for as long as ever.
but yeah, somehow I can't bear to leave all this behind.

2011-09-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

for you I'd bleed myself dry.
but you'd never know that.
and I'd never admit it.
and I don't mind.
:)

2011-09-08T01:13:00.003+08:00

ok this is just an unexplicable night of sadness.

it will end. it will go away.

joy comes in the morning.

2011-09-08T00:56:00.001+08:00

it's tiring being an idealist. hahahaha.

2011-09-08T00:52:00.001+08:00

it's been like this for too long. for too long.

2011-09-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

omg. this song. it's like everything on my mind right now.

To Whom It May Concern - The Civil Wars

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do
I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently.

2011-09-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

the weird moment when you realise you love everyone the same way.

then there's no special someone.

2011-09-07T01:43:00.001+08:00

The perpetual occurrence of flashbacks of bittersweet memories. The yearn for the future, yet things of the past. A nostalgic complex.

2011-09-07T01:29:00.001+08:00

The Honey Trees- To Be With You

I climbed this hill watching so still
I took to the fears of all I held dear
But up on this height, a majestic sight
Flooded the skies
And how I could feel you near

Oh I could sail the world
Search through the darkest waters but
I’d never find
These golden eyes

I held the stars to light where you are
When your unfeigned heart called to me through the dark
Soaked in the sound that rose from the ground
There I could feel
I felt, I felt you near

Oh I could sail the world
Search through the darkest waters but
I’d never find
These golden eyes

Oh I’d wait for the seas to part
To be with you

Oh I could sail the world
Search through the darkest waters

Oh I could sail the world
Search through the darkest waters but
I’d never find
These golden eyes

2011-09-07T00:26:00.003+08:00

this heart beats, and feels, for you. all of you.

all the range of emotions.

joy. anger. despair. dread. excitement. disappointment. hopelessness.

it's wrecking me somehow. sometimes.

but I'd do it anyway, no matter what.

empathy. I want to feel what others feel.

who needs feelings of their own. hahaha.

my only own feelings right now are: struggling with the meaningless that is IB. that or my own slothfulness and lack of willpower to try for excellence. ohwell.

2011-09-06T02:13:00.003+08:00

seeing joy and sorrow juxtaposed.

I wrote this on my tumblr:

I want the next person I fall in love with to be the person I marry.

That makes it extremely scary to fall in love.

But I tell myself that waiting will be worth it.

though I have to be honest. it sometimes feels lonely.

2011-09-05T01:23:00.003+08:00

miss the bittersweet feeling of romantic love.
but I'm glad I'm not in any thing right now.
totally have no time for such things.

2011-09-05T01:23:00.001+08:00

I really shouldn't be this unmotivated...I know what I'm living for. I know why I have to do these things. But why am I feeling this way...

2011-09-03T00:43:00.003+08:00

hearing your voice on the phone today after such a long time. it was barely 10 seconds, or maybe more, but it felt that short. short, compared to the hours we used to spend, late into the night. yeah. somehow memories from the past came back.

I'm over you, have been for a long time. since all the drama happened. since I realised what a fool I was. asymmetrical insight.

but yeah, I guess memories in the past still...leave a bittersweet feeling.

and now, in the end, after the spiral of guys, you're left with no one. you don't deserve any condemnation for what you did when you were young. so I guess I wish you all the best now...

awesome lunch

2011-09-02T02:13:00.002+08:00

just remembered, I have to blog about 1st September's wonderful lunch.

$2 Black Carrot Cake + $2.50 Tomato Sauce Pontian Wanton Noodle (4 fried wanton) + $2 Ah Balling Peanut Soup (3 Peanut 2 Red Bean Tang Yuan) = $6.50.

best lunch in awhile. SO CHEAP SOME MORE.

@ Ghim Moh Market <3

guys, we have to go there more often.

Jesus loves ya! ;)

2011-09-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

Pia's This Time has 4mil views.
Scotty's I Love You This Big has only 2.5mil.
knew she wouldn't need to win to succeed.
I am happy :)

2011-09-01T00:52:00.001+08:00

screw geog. I want social and cultural anthropology. and psych. what is this. >:(

2011-09-01T00:44:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure if I miss the feeling of falling in love more than I enjoy not having the hurt that comes with it.
The heart wanders but has to find something.
But it's just been wandering.

2011-08-31T23:42:00.002+08:00

I'm amazed at my time-wasting skills and stupid refusal to finish my Geog IA.
on another note, The Honey Trees. Love their songs, especially Find Home. <3
though I don't really connect with its meaning.
but Featherstone is really beautiful. I could like quote any part of the song and it would somehow be relevant.

Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
When you go, what you leave is a work of art
On my chest, on my heart

She went out to the hay in the morning grace
She went out and got lost in a tall hedge maze
Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Why'd you leave this place?
On my heart, on my face

And my love is yours but your love's not mine
So I'll go but we know I'll see you down the line
And we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we find
And I'm feeling fine, we've made it to the coastline

Past all the signs of the slow decline
Live like your love wasn't meant for mine
Now you've gone, now you've gone to a different life
Til the loneliest side

Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart
When you go, what you leave is a work of art
On my chest, on my heart

And my love is yours but your love's not mine
So I'll go, but we know I'll see you down the line
And we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we find
And oh, I'm feeling fine, we've made it to the coastline

As Ryan Tan said, I'm "getting my indie on" :D

2011-08-31T00:52:00.000+08:00

today was a pretty nice day :)

2011-08-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

nah, life's pretty good. :)
Jesus loves ya! ;)