my last post before I enter Tekong tomorrow.

these few months have been a blast. seriously. getting to spend time with all the people dear to me, going to so many places, having so much fun. I'll never forget it. IB has seriously been an amazing journey with amazing people and I am just so grateful to have gone through the AC education and environment. to the many people who have left their mark on my life, I am eternally grateful, and I hope I have left some impact on them too.

looking forward to the army. well yeah, there's the loss of freedom and time to hang out with friends and family but it's a whole new adventure that I guess is kinda exciting. a little bit worried though because my grandma just got admitted into the hospital a few hours ago and I never got to say goodbye to her before I went to Tekong. really really don't want anything to happen to her, if you know what I mean. I wanted her to see me off...or at least for me to see her off...I just don't know what to think if that was the last time I see her.

ok I shan't let these thoughts get to me and just focus on what's ahead. tomorrow will be good. NS will be good. because God will be with me.

Jesus loves ya! ;)

I'm sorry my friends. your letters, or rather the letters I've wanted to write for all of you have been on my mind for the past few weeks, but for some reason I always kept procrastinating, and now it just seems to late, when there are so many other things on my mind right now. as much as I really do want to tell each of you individually how much I love and care for you, I need to drop this burden from my mind before this mental weariness kills me. this will have to suffice:

If you've been a true friend to me, and yes, you will know if you have been, thank you for everything. thank you for caring, thank you for sharing, thank you for the times we've had, thank you for the thoughts we've shared, thank you for the gifts you've given, thank you for the lessons you've taught me, whether you know it or not.

may God be with you always. :)

sigh. all that fake-enthusiasm about NS has disappeared.
it's not that I don't want to go in. I do. it's a new experience I'm looking forward to.
I just don't want to go in now. it just feels like I still have so much unfinished business.
ohwell. I guess if I went in in May I would have to get a job and I wouldn't be any freer.
need to get myself hyped for this again. and get some energy to live out these few days before I go in. so tired.

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD HE REIGNS.
OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD.
<3

only at the cross do you finally realise how undeserving, how empty, how wicked we really are. and how great his love for us is. both realisations need to be made.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

it stings a little to know that I mayn't have even left a single mark of importance or worth in your life after all this while.
but it absolutely hurts to know the consequences of that. yes, it's shallow to think about such things I guess. you don't believe just to go to heaven.
you can do so much more on this earth too.
I just have to trust God once again. it's wonderful how the helplessness I feel each and every time just opens my eyes to how much God can do.
it's so hard to watch and worry. but love is sometimes a burden we have to carry.
Jesus loves ya! (:

yet I feel completely helpless. speechless.

everyone's growing up. sigh. :)

man...Demi's Give Your Heart A Break is damn catchy...been stuck in my mind playing on loop for the past 2 hours >_>
my heart has been on WAY too much of a break. oh well, if I lasted 2 years I can last another 2.

been looking through photos on facebook.
no question about it. the past 2 years have been epic.

on another note, I've really been rotting away the last few weeks of my freedom! guess I go out quite sporadically and spontaneously. I seriously don't even plan each day until maybe the day before. went back to school 3 times last week.

Tuesday was for BB day. Hodge is really shaking things up. BB day and apparently all the other UG days have been cut short and simplified. and only KAH and steering allowed to go reception. phew. out before the free food became unavailable to me :P and I still got to eat this year when they invited the Year 7s for the reception too.
though seriously, it was kinda disappointing that the parade got cut short and cut down so much, and to make matters worse, it rained. so there wasn't really any parade :(
went to ghim moh market with shaun and yung after that so that yung could have his craving for carrot cake satisfied :P then we went to carl's junior at plaza sing to meet clement and shane for lunch.

Wednesday I went in the afternoon, delivering koi for the lot of them. good ol' times. met clement and zack there. gave a few gifts to some of the teachers that taught me. had to leave for ear candling after that.

Thursday I went in the afternoon again, to deliver books to the Year 6s. went scouting all around school looking for teachers. didn't manage to find many, but at least some. most of them either knocked off or are away on OEP. so, I still have a reason to go back to school :D

Friday I had dimsum with the hong kong group. I almost forgot about it :P went to LAN after that for a long time. then met the YA people at west mall, before heading for a wake. after that, went to Clement's house for LG. Kinect! :D

Saturday had BS in school, and after that, the Just for Mee aunty treated us to a meal she cooked for us! :D for us regular customers :P
still went with the rest to 18 chefs at fusionopolis in the end, and after that were denied entry into school so we couldn't play soccer :( :( :( was super sad lah.
ended up just going home to crash hahaha.

Sunday had church, then a movie at Causeway Point. Courageous. very nice touching movie. SOMEONE cried like crazy mad a lot hahahahahahaha. oh well, she even cried for kungfu panda so I'm not surprised. it's a nice movie about fathers and the role they have in their children's life. yeah. stuff like that. glad a Christian movie is being showed in the cinemas! :)
went for badminton after that. then dinner

Today, or rather yesterday (monday), went for brunch with claire and julia @ ah mei kaya toast @ rail mall. had dinner with my sis @ subway @ rail mall again. heh. so walked quite a bit.
AH, WHO AM I KIDDING. I NEED TO RUN AND EXERCISE.

and so that was my week.
I NEED TO EXERCISE.

sigh. I've had fun. so much fun.

I seriously thank God for the past 3 months. heck, I thank God for the past 2 years. IB has seriously been an amazing blast, and now that it's over, and army is looming ahead, I really can't help but yearn for the days that school ended at 1pm on most days, where I could chill at the Koi pond or math lab or wherever I wanted to really. I miss the company. of friends, of juniors, and even of teachers.

I know what lies ahead is a totally different journey, one that I am honestly quite eager to start. no, I do not fear NS, because I know that God will guide me through it. if I have nothing else, I have him. I want to see new people, get a chance to impact their lives, while at the same time letting them leave their footprints in this chapter of my life.

but still, back to the past. I have friends who I never want to lose contact with. while I will be physically in Tekong, and after that wherever my vocation sends me, my heart will always be with the few that have become so precious to me. God really blessed me with so many awesome friends in AC. BB cohortmates, BB juniors, classmates, ex-classmates. I trust him to do the same in NS, and if possible, have friendships as deep as the ones I formed in school. but of course, it's a totally different environment now.

and of course, another part of my heart will be with my church friends. my childhood friends whom I've known for life. girls that I will never feel awkward with. guys I've grown up and shared all sorts of retarded moments with.

oh well, not whining that the past is past, but just extremely grateful for everything. the future will be better. life is gonna rock (more).

Jesus loves ya! ;)

oh gosh. feels like the introvert inside me has taken over completely. I just feel like staying at home and lazing around all day nowadays. doesn't help that I've found a nice dominion online site. I thought I would be able to haul my ass out of the house once I finished the BBT seasons (and yes I have) but turns out all that sitting around has made me comfortable to slacking at home.

even on msn I'm so unresponsive :/ I feel so bad for daoing people but somehow I just can't get myself to talk. my brain's turning to mush. and so are my legs. I'm gonna turn into a fat couch potato at this rate.

better get up and go play...